maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just high enough for therapy.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
