I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
