Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
why do cheetos always look like penises
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
