Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
