Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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