I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
