PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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