am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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