I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
