So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
