you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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