I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
