Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
