Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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