M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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