I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
