you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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