He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
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