she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
