I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
