Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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