she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize