he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
ok first of all what the fuck
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
