i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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