are you so shy because you have an std?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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