Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
