it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
His nipple licking is glorious
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