the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
