Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
