If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
