I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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