haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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