Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
