This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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