3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
