I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
