I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
