i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize