The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
This is my life. Enjoy the view
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