chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
