We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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