you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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