nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
