suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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