god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
