I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
im having a threesome with these popsicles
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
