You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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