dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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