I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
