my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
