i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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