So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You have to summon your inner elephant
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize