Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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