I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I deserve to be covered in dicks
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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