some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
