Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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