Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
he thought i was a dude.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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