True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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