Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
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