A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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