she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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