But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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