Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
it was like his penis was on wheels.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
