Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize