I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
