D3 body, D1 cock
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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