Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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