just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
this is an emotional support booty call
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
