i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
