I feel like I'm in dance class right now
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize