Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
They have beer where we have blood.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
