When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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