threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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