3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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