it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Everyone says I win the strip club
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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