Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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