apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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