I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
