did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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