Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
